Anytime, Barba 1
by oliviatennant
Summary: A series of Vignettes that coincide with the current season (16).
1. Chapter 1

Rafael Barba wasn't quite sure when it had happened but he realized, standing here-outside Olivia Benson's door- that she had become his friend. _Quite possibly his only real friend._

 _Sure he'd been taken with her the moment he saw her. After all, Barba was a man who knew what he liked- what he wanted. But that was just attraction- lust. The moment she opened her mouth she annoyed the hell out of him._

 _Another righteous sex crimes detective placating the victim whether the case was winnable or not._

 _But by the end of that first case, he had seen that she was different. After all the years dealing with these stomach churning horrors- Olivia Benson was still passionate about fighting for each and every victim. It wasn't some act she put on to do her job- she knew them all by name, every detail. She knew the law and what it took to win but she also knew that sometimes it was worth fighting for what's right- win or loose._

 _Rafael Barba found he wanted to work with Olivia Benson- because she would do whatever it took to help him win the case._

 _At first, Barba found himself posturing with false confidence- like a schoolboy. But eventually, he found more often than not- discussions about cases turned into one-on-one debates between he and Olivia as the rest of the team just listened in. They both knew the law better than anyone else in the room and their mutual quick wit made them the perfect sparing partners._

 _They always ended up on the same side but finding how to make their case was always easier with Olivia in the room._

 _Bit by bit, her passion started to rub off on him. He found he wanted to fight for victims because Olivia Benson thought it was right. Even more disturbing to him- he found himself seeking her approval. He found himself constantly looking to her to make sure they were on the same page. When he would hear himself say something especially revolting to or about a victim- Barba couldn't help casting a quick glance in her direction to gauge her distain._

 _One day though, he guessed it was around the time of the Avery Jordan case, Barba realized Benson had done something to him that he could never forgive._

 _She had transformed the victims from case numbers into human beings._

 _He found himself sitting in family court next to her while the custody of Avery's son was determined. Since when did he care what happened after he'd won or lost? Since when did he care this much about the opinions of a detective?_

 _He rarely lost a case before meeting Olivia Benson, because he didn't bring cases he didn't think he could win. Sure, he took difficult cases- he loved a challenge- but always with an ace up his sleeve. Since moving to Manhattan, he found himself taking cases because the victim was worth fighting for._

 _He had overwhelming respect for her. Everything she'd been through._

 _After losing his friendship with Alex and Eddie- she was really the last person left that he considered a true friend. Of course he had 'friends'. The kind of friends you play nice with to ensure the future of your career. The kind of friends you go yachting with- or to the Opera to keep your place in the political scene of Manhattan. But real friends- lets face it- he wasn't the most affable guy._

 _It suddenly occurred to him how pathetic this was. Here he stood, after a personal crisis, outside the door of his only friend. And he wasn't even sure that she would consider them friends. Maybe-she was just the one in the team who was least irritated by him. Maybe, he'd mistaken the empathy that made her so good with victims with friendship._

He'd changed his mind, he didn't want to be here. But he's already knocked. Twice. He hears the lock click open on the other side of the door and freezes.

Olivia swings open the door, Noah on one hip. She looks at him surprised, "Barba?"

 _Shit, he'd forgotten about the kid. "_ I'm sorry, I- it's late, I wasn't thinking-" He turns to leave.

She's seen the look in his eyes, he's upset, "Barba, wait it's OK." He waves her off- he's already halfway down the hall. She steps out into the hall after him. "Rafael!" He turns back to her. "Come in here, you didn't come 20 blocks for no reason."

He gives her a sad, apologetic look and starts back towards her door. Noah pipes up- imitating his mother by yelling at him, "Raf!"

Barba quirks an eyebrow at Olivia. She returns an apologetic look, "Sorry, he's in the parroting stage." Barba gives the boy a small smile as he steps through the door behind Olivia. _He hates to admit it but he thinks it's kind of cute._

Barba stands awkwardly at the door for a moment before Olivia leads him into the living room. "Take a seat. Looks like you could use a drink."

She sets Noah down in front of some blocks and goes to the kitchen to pour a scotch. Barba sits on the couch, his eyes on Noah but his mind drifting to his abuelita's apartment. Noah seems to take notice of the sadness on his face and attempts to crawl up onto the couch beside him. Barba, unsure of what to do, simply places his hands near the boy in case he falls. Once Noah is on the couch beside him, Barba's panic mixes with curiosity as Noah crawls into his lap and places his small hands on either side of Barba's face. He plants a sloppy kiss on Barba's cheek, "Boo boo?" Barba can't help but smile.

Olivia comes around the corner with two glasses of scotch. "I'm sorry." She hands Barba his glass and then sits beside him and shifts Noah onto her lap instead. "Noah, come here, Mr. Rafael doesn't want to play."

Barba watches the boy snuggle into Olivia. "It's OK. Perceptive little thing, isn't he?"

Olivia smiles down at Noah and nods. When she brings her eyes back to Barba's they're serious and sympathetic. "What's the matter, Barba?"

Barba takes a sip of his scotch and leans forward on his knees looking down into his glass. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. "She's dead." He looks back to Olivia- his eyes wet with tears his doing his best to hold back.

Olivia puts her own glass down and scoots closer to him- placing a hand on his back, "I'm so sorry."

Her hand on his back does him in- he looks back to his glass as the tears stream down his face. His voice comes out strangled as he continues to try to hold them back, "I shouldn't have-" he bites his top lip in anger at the tears that keep falling. "I just refused to listen."

"You can't blame yourself for this." Olivia tries to comfort him by rubbing her hand up and down his back.

He finally lifts his eyes back to hers and gives her one of his tight, half smiles, "Can't I?" Barba looks at Liv for a moment then glances down at Noah who's now drifting to sleep in her lap. "She practically raised me. My parents where always working and my father-" He shakes his head again, lets out a sigh- he's not going down that road right now.

"You were trying to do what was best for her, Barba, I'm sure she knew that."

 _Olivia had been surprised to find him at her door- but when she saw he was upset, she'd assumed it was his grandmother. She knew Barba didn't have many friends but she still felt a bit honored that he'd chosen to come to her with this. She'd come to consider him a friend- she was glad to see he considered her the same. When she thought about it they really had seen each other through quite a lot._

 _It seemed so few people got a glimpse of the man under those high-priced suits and snappy remarks. But she felt she was one of those few. And right now she could clearly see him- the boy that Rafael Barba once was. A small boy from the barrio- who was "too smart for his own good"- using his quick tongue to hide the fact that he was scared shitless. Scared shitless of the kids down the street. Scared shitless of his father's fists. Scared shitless that he'd never get out._

 _Rafael Barba had been born with incredible talents- none of which did him much good growing up the smallest kid in the barrio. If anything- his cleverness, his wit, his big mouth- made it worse._

 _Liv wants to reach out and hug him but she knows it'll probably make him uncomfortable._

Barba takes a deep breath, downs the rest of his scotch. He tries to collect himself, "I'm sorry, this was-" He stands up. "I shouldn't have unloaded all this on you. I'll-"

Her hand on his arm stops him, "It's OK. God knows, you've sat through enough of my bullshit. Not to sound cliché but that's what friends are for, right?"

Barba gives her a small smile. He looks down at Noah- now sleeping in Olivia's lap. _He has the overwhelming urge to pat the boy's head but resists. Where did that come from?_

"I'll let you get him to bed." He turns to walk out as Olivia stands, cradling Noah.

"Hey" He turns back to her. "You gonna be OK?"

He gives her a nod. "Thanks for the drink."

"Anytime, Barba."

He lets himself out. She lets out a heavy sigh and takes Noah to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**As PO Marshall leaves** with her attorney, Barba and Olivia exchange a look. She gestures towards the door after it closes, "Can you believe her?"

"If she hadn't raped two men at gunpoint, I'd almost feel bad for her."

Liv puts a hand on Barba's shoulder, "Well done, as usual, Councilor."

Barba gives her the semi-embarrassed smile he gives her every time she congratulates him on a case. He walks to the door and opens it for her, "It was you that convinced her." Barba gives her a cheeky grin as she steps into the hallway. "Dinner tonight?"

Olivia gives a quick glance to her watch and then looks at him apologetically. "Rain check? If I leave now, I can get home in time to actually spend time with my son before he goes to bed."

His cheeky grin turns into a compliant half-smile. He nods, slight disappointment registering on his face for a moment. A thought flickers through his brain that he could offer to bring dinner to them but he quickly dismisses it. _That's a bit desperate, don't you think?_

"I should probably go ahead and draw up this paperwork anyway."

Olivia nods, "Thanks, Barba."

He heads back to his office as she walks towards the exit.

 **Barba pops into Olivia's** office at noon the next day. They'd both gotten a call last night regarding the Jane Doe gang rape at Hudson. Olivia looks up from some paperwork as he walks in. _Damn, he looks tired._

"Was wondering when we'd be graced with your presence this morning." She smiles, hoping he'll mirror her. He manages to tighten his lips into a thin line but the vague attempt at a smile doesn't reach his eyes. "Lunch?" ,he suggests.

She grabs her coat and they head for the door.

 **Barba and Benson sit** at the sushi bar ofNomado 33. He marks their order on the small menu in front of him. "You want that dragon roll you ordered last time?"

Olivia nods as she takes a sip of her water. They found they ate lunch together more often than not- to go over cases or simply because they were both at the courthouse. There was a familiarity between them- they knew what each other liked and rarely had to suffer over the discussion of where to go.

After handing the order over to the sushi chef, Barba turns to her. "So where are we? Who's this Jane?"

"Carisi and Rollins are at the TV station right now trying to find out."

"Whatever happened that night, we need to find out quickly. I've already had two phone calls with the DA this morning. And he's already had two with the Mayor."

"On the bright side, maybe all this all this attention will finally force Hudson to get their act together and stop covering up campus rape."

Barba scoffs at her over his tea. "Believe it when I see it."

The first plate of sushi arrives and Olivia places it between them. She watches him out of the corner of her eye as he preps soy sauce for both of them- hers with wasabi, his without. "You OK?" ,she questions without looking at him.

Barba's a bit surprised at the question. "You look… tired."

He considers a smarmy reply but thinks better of it. _She's honestly concerned._

"Yeah, just not sleeping much." He busies himself with the sushi. She considers him for a minute.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Nope."

She nods, "How's your Mom?"

He worries his top lip then looks at her pointedly. "Please, anything else." She goes back to her sushi. He takes a breath, tries a subject change. "How's Noah? No more hospital visits I hope?"

Olivia smiles at the mention of her son. "No more hospital visits. Though every time he coughs my stomach drops."

He gives her a sympathetic look. _She's incredible. Raising a child on her own, running a team of detectives. Surviving everything she's been through._

Barba turns back to her, opening up. He adopts his usual sprawled out stance as he chews and sips his tea. His left arm rests on the corner of her chair- one foot comes to rest on the bottom of her bar stool. "Let me know if you need any help with the adoption. I can't do it myself but I know good people."

Olivia gives him an amused grin. She can't imagine that his interest in her adoption of Noah is beyond superficial.

Barba seems to know what she's thinking. He leans in ever so slightly, locking eyes with her- like he does when they've finally found the key to the case. "Seriously. Noah needs you. Whatever I can do to help."

She finds his offer beyond endearing. They'd grown close over the last several years but the idea that his concern for her stretches to Noah is rather moving.

"Thanks, Barba."

To her surprise, and honestly to his, Barba's inquiries about Noah continue throughout lunch. His usual obligatory query about the boy seems much more genuine. For his part, Barba suddenly sees how much talking about Noah seems to light up Olivia's face. A welcome distraction from all the bullshit of the past couple weeks.

 _And he finds that after the baby's attempt to comfort him in Olivia's apartment a few weeks ago- he honestly does wonder how he's doing. Before that, he hadn't really considered interaction with very young children all that meaningful. He'd realized how much he'd underestimated just how much they understood._

After lunch, they make their way to the coffee truck and then head back towards the station. Their conversation is interrupted by the Italian press. The realization at how quickly this is escalating sends them both in their separate directions.

 **At the end of 'Jane's' case** , Barba feels as if he's been run over by a truck. He raids the squad rooms snack bar for pretzels before marching into Olivia's office. He's surprised to find not only her but, also, Noah.

She looks up from her son. She looks like he feels. "Come to berate me about bringing this case? You'll have to take a number."

He pops a pretzel into his mouth, notices Noah eyeing them. Barba opens his hand to offer some to the baby who grins up at him before grabbing two with his tiny hand. Barba can't help but grin back before his face falls back to his previously solemn expression. He flops down in the chair across from Olivia.

"You and I both know that my office is as much to blame for rushing this one as yours this time." Barba pauses, pops another pretzel in his mouth and then mumbles over his full mouth. "It would be nice if we could make sure our suspects were in town during the dates in question when we're vetting stories from now on though."

Olivia gives him a patronizing smile across the desk, "Ah, there it is."

Barba returns an exhausted but genuine smile. "You two wanna grab dinner?"

Olivia smiles at him then turns her attention to her son. "I don't know, Noah. Should we grab dinner with Mr. Rafael?"

Noah turns and grins at the pretzel man, "Raf!"

Barba smiles at him. Olivia enjoys the sight of a genuine smile on Barba's face for once. "I think that's a yes."


	3. Chapter 3

**They decide on** a nearby Italian restaurant. Noah can always be satisfied with spaghetti. It's nice but family friendly. They get settled and order a bottle of wine. Olivia lets Barba choose which wine- knowing he'd rather be drinking scotch. Olivia pacifies Noah with cheerios as they wait for the server to return for their orders.

Noah holds out one hand and squeezes it repeatedly into a fist. Barba chuckles, "What the hell is he doing?"

"He's signing" Off Barba's perplexed look, Olivia elaborates, "Kids this age- they can understand most of what you're saying, but they can't form words yet. So you can supplement with sign language. Less frustrating for them. Less frustrating for you."

Barba looks to Noah with surprising appreciation. _He's definitely underestimated the under three crowd._

"So what's he saying?"

Olivia pulls out a sippy cup full of milk. Barba eyes it skeptically. "That hand gesture's a little suggestive don't you think."

Olivia manages an amused eyeroll before the waiter comes back to the table with the wine and takes their orders. Barba pours them both a glass and Olivia stands to excuse herself. "Can you watch him just a minute while I run to the bathroom?"

Barba, a bit stunned- looks to Noah, engrossed in his cheerios. Olivia reads the hesitation in his face, "It's OK. I can take him with me."

Barba considers Noah- time to overcome his fears. _He did like kids- afterall, he just didn't know anything about them. Five minutes couldn't hurt and Noah seemed rather contained._

"No, I got him." Olivia registers his false confidence but doesn't let on. She turns and makes her way to the back.

The moment she's out of earshot, Noah looks up to realize she's gone. A pout descends over his face. "Mama?"

Barba panics as Noah repeats his plea. He tries unsuccessfully to interest Noah in the cheerios on his plate. "Hey, Amigo. Estas bien. Mira!" Barba looks up. Olivia will be back any second right? But he really shouldn't let on that he can't handle a one and a half year old for even a minute.

He searches the table for a distraction. The wine bottle. He grabs it and pulls it to his lips. Barba blows over the top making a low whistling sound- which instantly gets Noah's attention. With his attention on Noah- Barba doesn't realize that every other adult in the restaurant has turned to look at his obnoxious attempt to turn a wine bottle into an instrument. Noah is transfixed- and that's all Barba cares about.

Noah watches him "play" the bottle for several seconds before reaching for his sippy cup and blowing (as much as his developing fine motor skills will allow) over the top of its opening.

Barba smiles genuinely at Noah- watching him attempt to "play" his sippy cup. "Clever little thing aren't you?"

Olivia emerges from the bathroom and takes her place at the table. She looks at her son- who is still making an ill-fated attempt to play the sippy cup. "What's that about?" Barba simply shrugs. "So court today?"

Barba sighs heavily, leaning forward on the table, "Not much to say. Dropped the charges then hid in my office the rest of the day." Olivia gives him an apologetic look. He looks out at the street, remembering. "That kid though. He looked right at me. I'd have given anything to wipe that smug smile off his face."

Olivia briefly puts her hand on his arm to draw his eyes back to her. "I'm sorry. We should have vetted it better before it spun out of control."

"It's fine. How could you know that idiot was putting ideas in her head?" The question's rhetorical, he doesn't want to talk about it.

Barba looks over at Noah. He steals a couple cheerios from his stash and pops them into his mouth. Noah looks up and holds out another cheerio to him. Barba grins and leans over to eat it from his hand. Noah giggles. "I'm gonna keep you around, you always have snacks."

Olivia watches their interaction, a bit surprised. It seems the boys bonded in her brief trip to the back.

 **Two weeks later** , all hell breaks loose when the measles hits Manhattan. After Noah was quarantined, Barba'd checked in on Liv via text but neither of them had time to talk. When Fin calls him to tell him that Noah'd been rushed to the hospital that afternoon- he wishes he had made the time. He tries calling her cell several times throughout the day. Finally, he tries Amaro's phone.

An exhausted sounding Amaro picks up. "Nick Amaro."

Barba cuts right to the chase, "You with her?"

"Yeah, Barba."

Barba continues to fire off questions as if they're discussing a case. "Can I talk to her? She's not picking up her cell."

"It died. She just stepped into the room with the doctor."

"She OK? How's Noah?"

Barba's onslaught is starting to grate on Nick's weary nerves. "He's stabilized but it's definitely measles. Look, I'll have her call you when she can."

"What about his asthma? How's that going to-"

"Barba, we don't know anything right now. I'll have her call you." _When did Barba learn so much about Noah? Amaro knew he and Liv had gotten close but Barba didn't strike him as the type to concern himself with other people's kids. Nick doubted he even knew Gil and Zara's names._

Barba sighs on the other end, exasperated. "Alright, fine. Just keep me in the loop." He hangs up and goes back to the files in front of him.

 _He hated this. Hated knowing what Olivia was going through and not being able to be there for her. She really had become his best friend, he realized. She was always there for him. He hadn't seen or talked to her in nearly a week while she was going through this- some friend he was._

 _He hated the idea of Noah suffering in the hospital. Barba wouldn't admit it to anyone but he'd started to become a bit attached to the little guy. He hadn't really realized it until now. Since their impromptu dinner two weeks ago, Barba had shared dinner with Noah and Olivia twice more and was beginning to enjoy his interactions with the boy. Now he was stuck in his office while Noah battled it out in the hospital- not that he could do anything if he was there._

 **A few days later- Liv calls Barba** to go to Trudy Malko's house. Olivia asks him under the guise of showing interest from the DA's office but in all honesty, Barba's the only on she trusts to keep her in check when she gets angry. He always tells her like it is.

 _Olivia's more than a little surprised when Barba's the one nearly growling through his teeth at Malko when she admits to knowingly deceiving the school. His insistence that this has "nothing to do with Sgt. Benson's son"- is half-hearted at best. Though Liv expects she only sees this because she knows him. He's been weirdly protective of her ever since Lewis and she is surprised to see that his defensiveness now applies to Noah._

 _She'd have to admit though- She's come to rely on him when things get hard. He grounded her through the Lewis trail. He stuck by her through the rocky transition to head up SVU. He'd become the person she relied on when she didn't want to face something alone. Olivia found comfort in the fact that this was no different._

 _His simmering anger makes it clear- she doesn't have to fight this battle- Barba will fight it for her, in court._

 **Barba worries his bottom lip** as they exit Malko's home.

"She just admitted everything straight to our faces! Typhoid Trudy in there has zero concept that she's not only broken the law, she's endangered the lives of other people's children!" He looks to Olivia walking beside him and reminds himself that Noah is one of those children. Barba reigns in his anger for her sake. "You OK?"

Olivia lets out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I just- I can't believe this is happening. I've spent all this time with the doctors working out his meds and doing everything to make sure we don't end up back in the hospital and then these idiots decide not to vaccinate and I just-" She looks down at her hands doing her best not to get upset. "I mean, measles kills kids like him, Barba." She casts a brief glance at him but when she sees the sadness in his eyes, immediately looks away.

As they step onto the elevator, he grabs her elbow to get her attention. "I'll get her, Liv."

Olivia gives him a small nod. _His reassurance does nothing to change the fact that her son is in the hospital but it is strangely comforting. She can always count on him to do whatever it takes._

"Want me to drop you by the hospital?"

"It's OK, the cab ride wasn't that bad, I know you need to get back."

Barba gives her an almost offended look. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not asking if you need a ride- I'm asking where you want to go."

She quirks an eyebrow at him. It's amazing how Barba can make a nice gesture seem like an assault. "Hospital's fine. Thanks."

 **The** **next time Barba** sees her isn't until she testifies. When he steps out of the courtroom to check on her and sees her racing towards the elevators- his heart drops into his stomach, something's wrong.

As he approaches, he realizes she's being aggressively pursued by Malko- _he's got to keep his emotions in check- concentrate on Liv- a yelling match with the defendant won't help anything._

 _When the words spinal tap come out of Olivia's mouth- all Barba can do is drop his head and brace himself against the door frame of the elevator. He'd been calling Olivia every night to check in on her. He'd sit doing paperwork in his empty office after every one had gone home and get the update on how Noah was doing. Late night phone calls about cases had become pretty standard between the two of them even before Noah got sick._

 _In this case, he did it because he wanted to know Noah's condition but also because he knew she'd simply want someone to talk things through with. He mostly just listened- rare for him. They'd discussed all the possible outcomes. He searches his brain for everything she'd listed off. Spinal tap meant they thought Noah had encephalitis- his brain was swelling. It could very well cause irreversible damage._

 _He wants to race after her- go with her to the hospital but he knows he has to stay here and finish this._

He's broken out of his musings by Trudy Malko's voice directed at him. "You know- you and your girlfriend can't just use the courts to take it out on people every time her kid gets sick."

Barba stays turned away from her- doing his best to keep his anger in check. He knows the best course of action is to say nothing but he's never been great at holding his tongue.

When he rounds on her- he fixes her with the coldest stare he can muster as he slowly slides his hands into his pockets. He forces his mouth into a tight smile- the one he uses when he knows he's about to get the best of an opponent that he finds especially repulsive. His words are deliberate. "If anything happens to 'that kid', I'll pile on so many charges, you'll never dig your way out."

Barba brushes past her and back into the courtroom before she can respond.

 **After the trial concludes** , Barba does everything in his power to get out of the office early. His first stop is the hospital. When he arrives, a few hours after Nick and Fin have left- the nurses inform him that Olivia is in the quarantine area with Noah. He looks in to see her sleeping in a chair beside Noah's bed.

At his request, the nurses provide him with a gown so that he can enter the area. He walks in and takes in the sight of the tiny toddler with oxygen tubes running into his nose and an IV into his arm. It's heartbreaking. He briefly places a hand on the boy's head before turning to his mother.

Her eyes flutter open, adjusting to the light. She's surprised to see him there, "Barba?"

"Hey, sorry. Just came by to see if you needed anything."

Olivia rubs her face and readjusts in her chair. She gives him a warm but tired smile, "Think we're good."

He looks back to Noah. "I'm sorry, I couldn't get her on the 1st degree charge."

 _She hates that he does that. Apologizes to her when he doesn't get a slam dunk. Another hold over from his guilt about Lewis. He doesn't do it every time but he does it enough to be annoying._

"You stopped her, Barba. That's all that counts."

He turns back to her. He's hesitant about what he says next, "I could sit with him if you want to run home. Take a shower? Get some sleep that's not in a chair?"

"You saying I stink, Barba?" Olivia smiles sleepily.

He chuckles. "Maybe." He considers her a moment. "Seriously, he's sedated. It's prime time for me to babysit." He smiles at her.

She looks at him skeptically. _Is he really offering this?_ She starts to rise from her chair. "OK, if you're sure- I might take you up on that shower."

He nods gently. As she leaves- he takes his place in the chair beside Noah's bed. Outside the quarantine area, Olivia looks back in to see Barba scoot closer to the bedside and lay a hand on Noah's.

 _She felt like she could read him better than anyone. And he could certainly read her better than anyone. It's why they work so well together. Half the time they don't even have to talk to be on the same page- or to argue even._

 _And yet here he was- still full of surprises. El Tiburón sitting beside her sick son's bedside for her._


	4. Chapter 4

**Alright guys- sorry this one took a while. Want to continue following along with the episodes for this one. That said- this one's turning out to be rather long- so I broke it in two so that you guys can read some now and some in a couple days when it's finished. Hope you like it.**

 **All the feedback is really helpful and encouraging so Thanks! I promise a good Barba/Noah scene in a couple days!**

 **Olivia is sitting in a Chicago** **bar** waiting for Hank when she gets a text from Barba. Expecting it to be about the case they're prepping in NY- she opens it. She's surprised to find a photo- a tiny handprint in blue paint, near the bottom of a nicely tailored pair of wool slacks with what appear to be John Lobb Oxfords attached. She instantly recognizes it as Barba's own ankle.

The follow up text states simply, "Stopped by your place to grab that file and your son immediately did this to me!"

She can't help the grin that creeps across her face at the thought of Barba's horrified face. She quickly writes back, "It's washable, Barba."

"So Lucy tells me." Is his nearly instant reply, followed by, "How're things there?"

Olivia's face falls as she considers what she's about to talk to Hank about. "About to get awkward." Just then Hank walks in- she gives him a quick smile before finishing the text. "Fill you in later. Call me if any q's about that file."

 **In Olivia's apartment** , Barba had even surprised himself by not really being upset about his trousers. Sure, he didn't want to get them cleaned but Noah covered nearly head to toe in finger paint was an amusing enough distraction. He'd grabbed the file and was now currently attempting to snap a photo of the messy toddler to send to Olivia before heading out. Noah was giggling hysterically, while splattering paint all over a sheet of paper Lucy'd laid out.

 _Seeing Noah weekly, at least, had somehow become part of Barba's routine without him noticing. Of course, in reality he was meeting with Liv- discussing cases or having victory dinner. Noah just happened to be there. But he'd begun to like the little guy. Barba was amazed at how he could already tell Noah was clever and had personality. They had bonded a bit- mostly over snacks. Having Noah around gave Barba an excuse to goof off- something he'd long abandoned._

 _He'd never admit it but picking up that file was as much about their current case as about his subconscious Noah withdrawl. Noah was the perfect reminder that sometimes victims lives did get better after what they went through. That there were still kids out there not being abused. And Noah was a direct link to Olivia's happiness- which Barba very much approved of. Thus his desperate attempt to send a cute picture._

He snaps a couple then thanks Lucy for letting him retrieve the file. He gives Noah a faux suspicious look from afar. "And goodbye to you, compay." Noah giggles before Barba gives him a smirk and walks out.

 **Back at the bar,** Olivia and Voight are finishing their drinks when Barba's next text comes through. Another picture- Noah, hands outstretched, grinning- covered in paint- his hands, his face, even some in his hair. Olivia grins broadly.

Voight chuckles. "First time you've smiled since you got to Chicago."

Olivia puts her phone in her pocket and turns her attention back to him. "Sorry, our ADA, sending me pictures of my son." She grins again- not realizing how strange that may sound.

Voight looks a bit perplexed. "Your District Attorney is keeping your son?"

Olivia nearly laughs out loud at the thought of Barba keeping Noah.

 _Sure, they'd bonded over the last few months- and she was happy about that. It was nice to finally be able to spend time with her son and a man, she dared say, had become her best friend. Even though all of their time together started as work meetings, she could honestly say they enjoyed each others company- often talking long after the work ended. Not having to choose between Noah and Barba had made things easier._

 _All that said though- Barba hadn't even held Noah since the first time- when he'd looked as if he might die on the spot. She could hardly see him changing diapers and making dinner._

Olivia finally meets Voight's gaze again. "Ah, no. He just swung by my place for a file. Barba taking care of a toddler would be… I don't know what it would be- nothing good."

She and Voight share a chuckle.

 **Back in New York- several days later.** After Voight and Olivia, bring the case to Barba- one of Barba's first order of business is to question everyone. Lindsay is up first. Olivia can tell it went well when she finds Voight storming into her office near the end of the next day.

"What is this the Spanish Inquisition?!" Voight demands.

 _Liv wonders for a moment if he's being clever but immediately realizes he's probably not. That he's just angry as hell._

"Detective Lindsay just lost a close friend and that ADA of yours is practically interrogating her!"

Knowing Voight and knowing Barba- this hasn't come entirely out of left field for Olivia. She closes the door to her office then leans against her desk only a few feet away from Voight. "He's just doing his job, Hank. I know he's not the easiest guy to get along with but-"

Voight clenches his jaw angrily. "Understatement of the century."

"-but, he has to ask hard questions. Whatever we hide- defense will find. He has to be ready."

Voight looks away- his face still tight. "I should've taken this back to Chicago."

Olivia leans over to draw Voight's eyes back to her. "I've got news for you, Hank. If Rafael Barba can't get this guy- no one can."

"So I just let him drag Nadia's name through the mud? He has no respect for the victim?"

"Don't let the silk ties fool you. He cares more than he lets on. He's not asking these questions in court- he's asking these questions to be prepped when defense asks them. We fought for her, Hank, we lost. It's Barba's turn to fight for her."

 _Hank's been doing this a long time. He knows she's right. But the idea of that smarmy ass lawyer dragging out every detail of Nadia's past is gut-wrenching._

"What aren't you telling me, Hank?"

Voight's eyes meet Olivia's just as the door to her office swings open. She cuts her eyes over to see Barba standing in the door. Surprise at their proximity registers on his face for a split second before he regains his usual brashness. He attempts an apology but doesn't mean it.

 _Olivia can tell that it doesn't ring true._ _He's really got to learn to knock._

"Barba, give us a minute."

Barba looks put out but turns to leave when Voight turns to him. "It's fine. I've said my piece." He steps past Barba, puffing his chest out. Barba tilts his head and stands up taller ever so slightly as he passes. As soon as, Voight leaves- Barba shuts the door behind him.

Liv gives him a disapproving look and makes her way back around her desk to return to her paperwork. Barba steps up to a candy jar that sits ever so hidden on her desk and grabs a few pieces of candy before flopping into the chair across from her. She looks at him over her glasses. "Those are for there for Noah."

Barba holds one up, considering it before popping it into his mouth. "These are the grape ones, he doesn't like grape." She shakes her head but doesn't look up from her paperwork. Barba gestures towards the door. "So what was with all the chest thumping?"

"CPD just expressing their appreciation for your charm and grace."

"What was it you told my mother? Just doing my job?"

Olivia takes off her glasses and finally looks at him. "I know, Barba. That's what I told him. But you have to try to see it from their perspective. She was one of theirs."

 _The moment the words leave her mouth, Olivia wants to retrieve them._

He stills. His eyes drift away from hers. "Right." He sucks in a breath and bites his lower lip.

 _She knew this case might eventually reopen the wounds Lewis left- She had forgotten Barba carried his own scars from that case._

"I'm sorry. I didn't think."

His eyes drift back to hers and he gives her a small smile. _He feels like an ass. Everything Lewis did to her and she's apologizing as if she's wronged him._

"I met with him. Yates. That's why I'm here. We need to go over your testimony." Barba's sharp attorney like tone- laying out the facts- suddenly falters. He softens. "He's going to push all your buttons, Liv."

Olivia leans back, exasperated. "Can we please do this tomorrow? I HAVE to finish this paperwork before I leave and I was really hoping I'd be home in time to, at least, put Noah to bed."

 _Barba's sympathetic to her complaint- she's barely seen Noah in a week and a half. Hell, even he was missing spending time with the baby. But he'd asked the courts to push the trail through quickly. He needed to be ready._

"How's this? You finish up here- I'll swing by and pick up dinner for the three of us and after he goes down- we'll prep?"

Liv nods in agreement- giving him a tight smile. _In truth, it sounds quite nice. Getting to see Noah, Barba taking care of dinner and finally being able to talk after being gone for nearly a week. She needed to vent. And for a man who had a gift for filling the silence- he was a surprisingly good listener. At least to her._

"Alright. See you in a bit." He says as he gathers his things and stands. Before opening the door, he looks back over his shoulder. "Nico's OK? Noah likes those chicken kabob's yeah?"

Liv smiles a genuine smile- impressed that he's picked up on these things about her son. "Perfect."

He leaves her in peace- closing the door behind him.

 **In the Bullpen,** the other detectives are gathered around files looking at victim ID's from the beach. Amaro approaches Barba as he leaves Liv's office. "She gonna be OK, Counselor?"

Barba registers the concern on Amaro's face and speaks genuinely. "She'll be fine. We've just gotta act like it's any other case. You know how she gets when people walk on eggshells around her." Amaro nods.

Voight, overhearing the conversation, steps over to the two. "Why what's going on?"

As Rollins starts an explanation, Barba's eyes dart over to her- giving her a look. "We caught a perp like Yates a while back." Rollins nearly goes on but Barba's eyes burning her from across the room stop her short.

Lindsay, Fin and Carisi have now starting paying attention as well. Voight stands- impatiently, waiting for more information, "And?"

Barba pulls his eyes from Rollins and turns his attention to Voight. Barba's mouth is drawn tight- his eyes clearly read 'Stop prying'. "And if Sargent Benson thinks you need to know more- she'll tell you."

With that Barba turns and walks out. Voight watches his retreat. "Is he always this much of a prick?"

Amaro shifts his weight to return to the task at hand, "Pretty much."


	5. Chapter 5

**Barba steps through the threshold** of Liv's apartment- briefcase in one hand- Nico's bag in the other. He is nearly immediately greeted by Noah- who stands at his feet- arms upstretched towards him. His eyes are puffy- a sure sign he's been crying- the last remnants of tears stain his cheeks.

Liv comes around the corner from the kitchen to help take the bags. As she does- Liv nods down at Noah, "Think he wants you to hold him." She says it nonchalantly as she removes his briefcase from his hand. He looks down at the small boy a bit stunned. "He doesn't bite Barba."

Ever so slowly- Barba leans down and picks Noah up. As he does, the small boy has a hitch in his breath and suddenly lets out a squeak. Barba holds him out away from himself momentarily. "Uh, I think I'm hurting him."

Olivia smirks. She's about to return a witty quip when she looks up and sees the look on Barba's face. It's a tragic combination of pain and panic.

 _It suddenly hits Olivia why Barba is so very afraid of Noah. It's not just because he doesn't know what to do. It was for the same reason that it took him longer to warm up to male members of the squad than to her and Amanda. For his entire childhood- the only tactile interaction he'd had with men was in the form of fists or beatings with belts. Even his two friends who had often saved him from his father and the neighborhood kids had ended up betraying his trust in the end._

 _Olivia suddenly realized that deep down- Barba feared becoming his father as much as she feared becoming her mother. In his own way- he was trying to protect Noah. She did her best to tamp down her sympathy before responding- he would hate her thinking of him that way. A scared kid._

"That would be a hiccup, Barba." She says as dismissively as she can.

Barba looks perplexed but settles Noah gently on his hip. "That was a hiccup?" Noah squeaks again. He tucks one of his tiny hands inside Barba's suit jacket and runs his hand along the uneven texture of his suspenders.

"He gets them when he cries a lot"

Barba's instincts kick in without him really realizing it. The hand that's not supporting Noah goes to his back to gently soothe him. He speaks in a low, soft voice. "What's the matter, amigo? Mom being mean?" He leans into Noah as if conspiring. "It's OK she yells at me sometimes too."

Barba starts towards the kitchen- Noah on his hip as he talks to him.

Olivia rolls her eyes at Barba's comment, "I told him he couldn't have any cookies until you got here- 20 minutes ago, the world's been ending ever since."

Barba smirks at her frustration. He temporarily sets Noah on the counter across from where she's dishing out their dinner. "Mami's right little man. I brought you lots of chicken- gotta eat that first. Then- lots of cookies! All you can eat cookie buffet"

Noah gives Barba a tired grin. Barba shrugs off his suit jacket, throws it onto the couch and then settles Noah back onto his hip. Noah's hand returns to wrap around one of Barba's suspenders and his head drifts down to Barba's shoulder.

Barba can't help the small smile that creeps across his face at the feeling of Noah snuggled into his side. Olivia sees the interaction out of the corner of her eye and tries to hide her smile. She comes around the counter and sets their plates down on the counter as Barba pulls up Noah's highchair.

 **After dinner, and Noah's** promised cookies, Olivia sweeps him out of the high chair as Barba takes their plates to the sink. "Alright, should only take a minute to get him to sleep."

Barba nods. He walks over and places a hand on the boys back. "Buenas noches, amigo."

Noah lifts his head to look at Barba, "Noche, Raf."

Barba's face breaks into a goofy grin. He looks at Olivia who quirks an eyebrow at him. "Alright, little man. Time for bed", she says as she turns to make her way down the hall.

By the time she returns, Barba has done the dishes, poured her a glass of wine and him a glass of scotch. With Noah around- they met at Olivia's place to go over cases more often than not so that Lucy didn't have to hang around late. After one to many nights drinking wine- Barba had stashed a bottle of scotch in the cabinet for him.

Olivia comes around the corner to find him sprawled out on the couch- feet and files on the coffee table in front of him. His head is leaned back- and as she gets closer she realizes he's drifted off to sleep sitting up. She walks up and places a hand on his shoulder. He immediately sits forward- sucking in air and scrunching his eyes closed in an attempt to wake up his brain.

"We can do this tomorrow, if you prefer.", she says as she comes around to join him on the couch.

"No, I'm OK." He scrubs his hands over his face. "Just haven't been sleeping."

 _Barba tried to think back to exactly how long he hadn't been sleeping. Was it the Heather Manning case? His grandmother dying? No. Lewis? That had definitely been his worst bout of insomnia but really it was further back than that. Maybe even back to the Emily Culpher case. If he had to guess- he'd stopped sleeping not too long after meeting the woman now sitting across from him. The woman who'd turned victims into people for him. He'd slept fine burning through case after case until coming to Manhattan SVU._

Olivia considers him a moment- as if trying to ensure he's really alright. She lets out a heavy sigh for both of them. "I know how that goes. Noah's finally back to sleeping through the night and then we catch this case. I just keep playing it again and again in my head. The things Elliot and I should have done differently. We could've prevented all this from happening if we'd just-"

"Just what?" It comes out harsher than he'd like and her eyes snap up to his, a bit surprised. _He blames it on his lack of sleep. But the last thing he needs is her blaming herself for what's happened on top of everything else._

He reaches for her hand in her lap and gives it a tight squeeze to keep her eyes on him. "Liv, how many times have you told me that Lewis wasn't my fault? This will eat you up if you let it."

She nods though she wants to retort. _He hasn't forgiven himself for Lewis- the ever deepening circles under his eyes are evidence enough of that- why should she take his advice? Yet- she knows he's right. The two of them should have live in therapists at this point._

He draws in a breath and leans back away from her again. He knows there's no convincing her but at least she'll pretend for him. "Look, before we go over the case. I need to run something by you." He pauses- not sure where to start. "Did Voight tell you that Nadia was a former escort and heroin addict?"

Olivia is surprised but wants to see where he's going with this. "What does that have to do with her being brutally raped and murdered?"

Barba holds up a hand. "Nothing." He gives her a look that clearly says 'Come on, you know I'm not victim blaming'.

"But it does change how I want to go about this case. Yates is going to charm the jury. He's going to tell them that Nadia went with him willingly. And unfortunately, the only evidence we have supports his story as much as ours. This isn't going to be-" He pauses and looks away from her for a second- building his resolve. "This isn't going to be like Lewis." His eyes come back to her with a fiery intensity. "Nadia wasn't a well-respected cop- she was a junkie. And she's not here to tell the jury her story. If we're going to win this- I've got to figure out how to draw Yates out."

Barba touches her shoulder for a brief moment. "He wants to talk about what he did to her. Just like Lewis did." She nods at him. "I need you to get me as much information as possible on Nadia and the other vics."

She nods again. He seems deep in thought for a moment. "I won't be playing it as aggressively as usual. I know CPD won't like that but you can't tell them what I'm doing- I don't want them trying to help me out during their testimony."

 _Olivia sees that he's questioning his own plan. She can only imagine what it will do to him if this guy gets off. She realizes he's not just telling her the plan- he's asking for her support._

"It'll be fine, Barba. They know I trust you. You'll get him."

He gives her a nod of acknowledgement and a small smile. _She has no idea how much of his stress dissipates based on those few words._

She looks down at her hands, "Now I have to tell you something that you're not going to like. But I doubt CPD will offer it up. Remember the night you called to talk about the Holland case and I told you that a CPD Detective's brother had become a suspect?"

Barba narrows his eyes and nods. "When we brought him in- Voight let the brother sit in on the questioning. I made the mistake of putting that in my case notes."

Barba bites his lip and lets out a controlled breath to contain his anger. "Is he just a complete idiot?! Why would you let him do that?!"

She speaks quietly but intensely -"It was his house, Barba!"

"You cops and your-"

"Lower your voice, you're going to wake up the baby"

Barba lowers his voice to a harsh whisper, "And your antiquated code of conduct!" Barba sits forward on his knees and puts his head in his hand. After a moment- he's calmed down a bit. He turns his head to look over his shoulder at her. "I'm sorry. I know it's not on you." He leans back and stares at the files in front of them. "Guess we just hope defense doesn't pay to much attention to the notes."

"I should've told Hank no- but he kind of sandbagged me with letting him into the room. I'm sorry."

"It's OK. At least I won't get sandbagged with it in court. We should get started." He pulls a file into his lap. They sit going over the case for nearly two hours before he goes back to his place.

 **The next day Barba** calls her early. When she picks up- he offers no greeting- simply, "The judge is letting him represent himself." He pauses and when she takes more than half a second to respond adds, "I'm sorry."

Olivia ignores his apology. "Alright, I'll let everyone know."

"Tell CPD they'll need to reign in their emotions. And I won't be calling Voight to the stand. I can't afford him blowing his top when Yates questions him."

Voight walks into Liv's office just as Barba is telling her this. She nods, "Mmhm, got it."

"He just walk in?" Barba can sense the tightness in her voice.

"Yep."

"Alright. Talk later." Barba clicks off and Liv stands up to deliver the bad news.

 **A few days later** , Voight is in Barba's face in the hallway, with Olivia doing her best to keep Barba calm. After calming tensions- Liv and Barba walk back into Barba's office for a quick lunch prep session

He'd sent his secretary out to pickup lunch for the two of them. Barba stands unpacking it at the round table. "I got you that tuna thing you like- that OK?" Olivia nods and accepts it graciously as she takes a seat. "Honestly, I don't understand how you work with that Neanderthal."

Olivia lets out a small chuckle. "Funny, Hank says the same thing about you."

Barba's eyes snap to hers. "He called me a Neanderthal?"

Olivia can't help but laugh. "No, Barba, the hard to work with part." _Only Barba would be more concerned with someone calling him un-evolved than he would be concerned with people liking him._ She looks him up and down and then says, deadpan,"It's cute though that you think anyone would call you a Neanderthal dressed like that."

Barba rolls his eyes at her as he removes his jacket and loosens his tie. He takes a seat across from her and digs into his sandwich. "He's going to testify" ,he states while chewing.

"You know, I've even taught Noah to not talk with his mouth full."

Barba quirks an eyebrow at her, "Well, I'm not Noah." He punctuates this fact by taking another bite of his sandwich and opening his mouth to show her is partially masticated lunch.

"Barba!" She throws her hand up in disgust but is quickly overcome with laughter.

He can't help but laugh back. He's a little embarrassed by his own outburst but enjoying the sound of Olivia laughing. "Sorry. Apparently at the mention of Noah I turn into a 5 year old."

Olivia gets herself under control but smiles broadly across at him- shaking her head. _He'd always been closer to her than anyone else on the squad. More willing to open up to her. But ever since Noah- she'd gotten to see a goofy side that she'd known was hidden for quite some time. She liked that- the moments where she got a glimpse of what he was like when he was really happy._

Barba smiles back at her and continues with faux disgust, "Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted- " He becomes serious and she follows suit. "I've got to draw him out when he's on that stand. Let the jury see who he is or none of this works."

"Rollins and Carisi are combing through everything now. I told them to send anything they find straight to you."

"If I can throw him off balance even slightly, I think he'll hang himself trying to explain his way out of it. If not, I'll recall Warner like we talked about."

She nods and he sighs- shifting his attention to the main reason she's up here.

"You gonna be OK? He'll probably bring up the thing with Halstead's brother but I won't let him bring up anything personal. I doubt they have anything anyway"

"I'll be fine."

Barba pulls a notepad from his briefcase. "Alright, I jotted down some questions he might ask about Halstead if he brings it up. Mind if we go over them?"

Olivia nods and Barba dives in.

 **After the verdict,** Barba finds Olivia waiting for him in the hallway outside the courtroom. "Nicely done, Counselor." He smiles back at her. "The rest of the team and I are headed out for drinks with the CPD crowd if you want to join."

He considers for a moment. _The idea of drinks with Hank Voight does not sound fun._ "No, it's OK."

Olivia seems to read his mind, as usual. "It's your win too, Barba. Or do you have a hot date?"

Barba chuckles. "Yeah, hot date with my shower and a glass of scotch. Seriously, though I need to try and get some sleep tonight. Thanks anyway."

He gives her a small smile and walks past her towards his office. She watches him walk away. _She understands. He doesn't exactly fit in with the CPD guys. Barba's an acquired taste- it had even taken her squad a while to warm up to him. But she does wish he'd come out with them._

She heads for the elevator to go find the others- She could definitely use a drink tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Olivia looks down at her** **watch** \- it's only 3:00 but she doesn't want to go back to the office. Bayard's assurances that they've done the right thing fall on deaf ears. She decides to walk up and see if Barba's in his office.

She finds him there- getting dressed for an arraignment hearing. She flops down in the chair in front of his desk as he buttons his collar. "I think I may have just helped a guilty man get out of prison."

Barba gives her a sympathetic look but his tone is more demanding, "You _think_?" He holds up two ties that he's pulled from his drawer.

"Which judge?" Olivia asks, without skipping a beat.

"Jackson."

Olivia points to the more conservative tie. Barba puts the other one back in the drawer and pops his collar to put on the one she suggested. He watches as she fiddles with her phone, "You know you can't ever know for sure."

"Could he seriously have raped his own daughter and then used her to get himself out of prison?"

Barba sighs heavily. "Look, I've just got an arraignment. Shouldn't take more than 45. Dinner after?"

Olivia shakes her head and stands up. "No, it's OK. I'll let you go. Think I'm going to head home."

"I could bring dinner to you." _Shit, that was forward. They ate dinner together all the time- sure. But always with the pretense of discussing a case._

A small smiles makes it's way to Olivia's face. "Sure."

Barba pulls on his jacket and grabs his briefcase. "Alright, I'll let you know when I'm on my way", He says stepping out the door behind her on the way to the elevator.

 **Barba steps into Olivia's apartment** carrying two grocery bags. Olivia looks at him a bit surprised, "Groceries?"

Barba shrugs- "I'm tired of take out. Figured I'd cook since we're both off early for once. That OK?"

Olivia nods and smiles as she takes one of the bags from him and walks with him to the kitchen. "You are full of surprises, Counselor."

Noah sits playing quietly in the living room floor. After depositing the groceries in the kitchen- Barba moves to the living room to shed his jacket. Noah toddles up to him to show him a toy police car. Barba stoops down to be on his level, "Qué tienes?"

Noah flies the car through the air and makes a loud noise that Barba supposes is what he thinks a siren sounds like. He looks up at Barba with a big grin, "Mommy car."

Barba chuckles, "It is Mamí's car, you clever little thing." He looks up and smiles at Olivia – who realizes she's been caught staring at the interaction.

 _She loves that Barba and Noah have finally taken to each other. She'd come to love having Barba's company. After particularly stressful days having someone to talk to was imperative. He was the only person she could trust to really be honest with her. And not having to choose between time with Barba and time with Noah made things so much easier._

Olivia smiles back at Barba, "I think you've made a friend." Noah goes back to playing and Barba walks into the kitchen, tucking in his tie to start unloading groceries.

He pulls out a bottle of wine and hands it to Liv, "It's not a Cab- but I think you'll like it." She smiles and grabs the bottle opener to open it. As Barba unloads groceries, he notices her coffee maker shoved into a corner- the pot has been smashed. "What happened to your coffee maker?"

"Your friend in there apparently pulled it off the counter while I was at work. Every time I think I can't possible baby proof anything else- he proves me wrong." He chuckles at her. "Can you watch him for just a sec?" Barba tenses but nods- he still can't quite get used to the idea that she trusts him with Noah. "It's easy- just make sure he doesn't kill himself."

Olivia walks to the back. Barba watches her go then pulls a small candy out of his pocket- he holds it up and then whispers conspiratorially, "Noah". The toddler looks up and his eyes light up. He jumps up and runs around the corner into the kitchen. But as soon as he crosses the threshold- he trips, careening face first into the sharp block he's holding in his hand. Noah immediately starts crying.

"Shit!" Barba grabs him instantly. He cradles Noah against his chest as the little boy wails. "Shhh, esta bien, compay." Barba rubs his back in an attempt to soothe him. The sounds of his cries are making Barba's stomach churn. He looks down to inspect the injury to see blood blooming onto his light blue shirt. Barba panics, "Liv! Liv!"

Olivia rounds the corner to see Barba holding Noah tight to his chest with the most pained expression she thinks she's ever seen. He looks up in panic, "I think he needs stitches."

Confident that he's overreacting- Olivia does her best to calm them both down. "It's OK Barba- set him down on the counter and lets take a look." _She can't blame Barba for the first 6 months- if Noah so much as coughed, she'd nearly rushed him to the ER. It took practice to know what to worry about._

Barba reluctantly sets Noah down and pulls away from him. Noah keeps his tiny hand clutched around one of Barba's suspenders. He's calming down but still crying- above his right eye is a small gash where a bruise is already forming. Barba continues to rub his back gently, "Oh God, I'm so sorry buddy."

Olivia grabs a small cloth and presses it against Noah's forehead- causing him to let out another wail. She can see that it's just a small cut- she speaks to Noah in a soft sweet voice but she's really talking to Barba. "See it's just a small cut, we can fix it up right here."

Barba's not convinced, "Are you sure? That's a lot of blood."

"Heads always bleed a lot. Trust me." She turns to him and realizes she needs to give him something to do before he crawls out of his skin. "There's a first aid kit in the bathroom under the sink."

Barba is down the hall and back in a flash. Olivia has managed to slow the bleeding. Barba opens the first aid kit and presents her with the contents. She grabs an alcohol swab and looks at Barba, "I need your help to hold him still." Barba seems to almost be in shock. He nods and places a hand on Noah's shoulder. "This will probably make him scream a bit. You ready?" Barba nods again and braces himself.

The swab does indeed make Noah scream. Barba closes his eyes and worries his lip. Olivia makes quick work of it and follows up with Neosporin- which she immediately covers with a butterfly bandaid. Once she's done- she does her best to calm them both again. She picks Noah up and pats his back and he starts to wind down, "See all good."

Barba looks down at the candy that started all this- he'd discarded it on the floor in his haste to scoop up Noah. He reaches down- picks it up, unwraps it and offers it to Noah. Noah grins through his tears and takes the candy. Olivia looks at Barba with faux disapproval, "Oh I see your Raf was trying to bribe you."

Noah giggles, "Raf!"

Olivia looks over at Barba's blood soaked shoulder. "Sorry about your shirt." Barba waves her off and turns back to his groceries. "Pull it off- if we get it in the wash right now, I might be able to get it out."

Olivia disappears to the back with Noah to find Barba another shirt. When she returns, she finds him struggling with his cufflinks, his dress shirt unbuttoned, suspenders by his sides. _She considers for a fleeting moment that he's almost more attractive in his current disheveled state than when he's all put together. She doesn't let the thought linger though. That's dangerous territory._

Olivia puts Noah down and steps up to help him with the cufflink. Her action brings his eyes to her- frustration evident on his face- she knows it's not about the cufflink though, "He's OK." She looks over to the living room where Noah's resumed playing with his blocks. "See, like it never happened." Barba sighs and lets her help.

 _Olivia can't decide whether it's his concern for her son, the smell of his aftershave or their sudden close proximity but Olivia feels the usual energy between them seems heightened. It's alarming._

As soon as his sleeve falls open, she takes a step back to give him space. He removes both his shirts and hands them to her- she hands him back a grey NYPD shirt. "Should fit. It was Brian's." She turns to take his shirts to the laundry before she can see antipathy play ever so briefly over Barba's face.

He catches himself and pulls on the shirt- which is a bit to large. _What was that jealousy? He shouldn't think of her like that and he knows it. Barba'd been attracted to Olivia the moment he met her but they worked together- no sense in making things complicated. It didn't take long though for his initial attraction to turn into full on caring for her- even before William Lewis. But she'd been with Cassidy. And after he wasn't willing to give up what had become his only real friendship if she didn't feel the same way. He'd resolved to be content with what they had- and he was- anything else would just complicate things. He told himself it was just a schoolboy crush and pushed any feelings he had for her other than friendship to the side. He needed to get himself under control before he did something he regretted._

He pours them both a glass of wine and goes back to cooking.

 **After dinner,** Oliva and Barba sit at the counter watching Noah play and finishing their wine. Olivia looks at him gratefully. "That was incredible."

He smiles- his eyes still on Noah. "My abuelita's Masa de Puerco."

"She taught you well", she says as she stands to take their plates into the kitchen. Barba stands and reaches over to the sink- grabbing a washcloth to wipe off Noah's highchair. As he finishes, Noah makes his way over to him carrying a large story book. He stands at Barba's feet and holds it up to him. Olivia smiles over at Barba- waiting to see how he'll react. "Looks like you've got bedtime story duty."

Barba grateful that all has been forgiven- tosses the washcloth into the sink and scoops Noah up. He carries Noah over to the couch and sits with him on his lap. Noah immediately snuggles into Barba's chest. He opens the book and begins reading in a soft hushed tone.

Olivia watches from the kitchen as she finishes washing the dishes. _She finally admits something to herself that she's been ignoring for nearly two years. She loves Rafael Barba. He'd gone from being the asshole she had to put up with- to her partner in every aspect of her life over the course of three years. She was in love with his passion, his honesty, his sass. The way he'd come to care about Noah was the final nail in the coffin. This was trouble and she knew it. She'd been through this before- being in love with her best friend. This doesn't end well, she reminds herself. Besides if Barba wanted the same thing- he'd have made his move by now. He was a guy who went after what he wanted. She puts the thought out of her head. This is ridiculous- she can't think of Barba like that._

Olivia finishes the dishes and pours some milk into a sippy cup. She walks over to the couch and sits down beside Barba- handing Noah his milk. As he drinks it, his eyes start to drift shut. Olivia smiles and pats his head. She looks to Barba, "You're not so bad at this, you know."

Barba continues reading but cuts his eyes down to the gash on Noah's forehead and then back to Olivia 'Yeah, right'.

She chuckles. By the end of the book, Noah's fast asleep. Barba stands and transfers him to his Mom. He leans in and plants a kiss in the boy's hair, "Dulces sueños, amigo." He steps back to put space between he and Olivia. "I should head home."

A somber look passes briefly over Olivia's face before she gives him a small smile. "K. Thanks for dinner."

He grabs his jacket and walks him to the door. "Can you just bring my shirts to the office Monday?"

She nods and lets him out- locking the door behind him.

 **Sunday rolls around** and it's Mother's Day. By 10 am, Olivia is ready for a nap. Noah had woken up in rare form, seemingly determined to destroy everything. The majority of his breakfast had ended up either on her or the floor, he's managed to pull out every toy they own and had even managed to slam his own finger in one of the cabinet doors in the kitchen.

She's dealing with the latter crisis when her doorbell rings. She briefly considers not answering but she places her now calmed son on the floor and makes her way to the door. Olivia's surprised to find a messenger with a rather large gift on the other side. She signs for it and brings it into the living room.

She opens the small card on top- it reads: 'Sorry, I broke your other one. This one's way better anyway. Happy Mother's Day. Love, Noah.'

She chuckles and looks over at Noah, "Your Uncle Nick is-" She stops and realizes she hasn't told Nick about the coffee maker. With Noah's help she rips open the gift wrapping to reveal one of the nicest coffee makers on the market. "Noah, we can make coffee! I'm going to be such a nicer person after this!" Noah giggles and begins ripping the gift wrap into tiny little pieces.

Olivia finds her phone and texts Barba, 'You're in trouble. This coffee maker is way too nice.'

 **Barba's walking out of Mass** with his mom when he gets her text. He smiles broadly and writes back, 'Don't know what you're talking about'

His mother looks over at him, "Sargent Benson, I assume?" Barba looks up from his text a bit perplexed. "Rafi, you're not fooling me. You only smile like that when you're talking to one person. Why don't you invite her to lunch with us?"

Barba turns serious- _if it was that obvious to his mother, would Liv notice too? He had to get his feelings in check._

He furrows his brow at his mother, "We work together, Mamí."

She nods at him, letting it go. If Lucia Barba knows anything it's that her stubborn son has to come to decisions on his own terms.

His phone dings with another text from Olivia. 'Well thank you for the thing you know nothing about. You just saved what was destined to be rough day. And you may have saved Noah from being shipped off to boarding school ;-)'

He chuckles and returns, 'You can't send him away now, I just won him over Glad you like it. Happy Mother's Day. See you Monday.'

Barba slides his phone into his pocket and walks his mom to Mother's Day Brunch.


	7. Chapter 7

**Barba's sitting in his hotel** room in St. Barth's- ever so slightly intoxicated, shining his shoes when he calls Liv later that night. After making the arrest, Olivia had come home to find Noah already in bed. So she'd curled up on the couch with a glass of wine and turned on the West Wing to try and drown out the day.

She's still focused on the television when she picks up, "You know it's midnight, Barba."

"Shit, I didn't wake him up did I?"

She smiles, her attention now on the conversation, "No. How's it going down there? Your friend married yet?"

Barba tenses a bit at the question. "Tomorrow. So it worked? You got him?"

Liv takes a sip of her wine and sighs- she'd almost managed to stop thinking about the case, "Yeah, but getting her to testify is going to be a chore, the moment he-"

On the other end of the line, Liv suddenly hear's Barba's voice grind out through his teeth, "Coño!"

She sits up a bit, "Excuse me!" Any cop in New York knew that word.

"Shit, sorry. Not you. Goddamnit!" Barba walks into the bathroom inspecting his khaki pants- which now have shoe polish all down the front. "I just dropped shoe polish all over my damn pants!"

Olivia tries to stifle a laugh, "Didn't really take you for the kind to shine your own shoes, Counselor."

Barba stands at his bathroom sink attempting to remove the polish with a wet wash cloth. "It relaxes me." ,he grinds out.

"I can tell." She can practically hear him roll his eyes on the other end. "You'd think the week on a tropical island for a friend's wedding would relax you."

Barba throws the washcloth into the sink, giving up, and slinks back to the couch, "You would wouldn't you?"

He actually seems upset so Olivia switches gears, "You OK?"

Her question makes him realize that he's coming on a bit strong. Barba takes a breath, "Yeah. I just never realized how exhausting my friends can be after spending more than 5 hours with them. And I've still got another 3 days."

"Don't you regularly spend time with these people?"

Barba sighs, "Yeah, but- a few hours a month. The opera, a yacht- we talk for the half a second it requires to take each other's political temperature. When you get to know these people they're not good people. I mean, I've known these people since Harvard- how did I not notice? The only reasonable explanation is that I, too, am an asshole."

 _He wasn't sure why he was telling her all this- except that she was the only person he talked to and he needed to vent. And lets face it- he was a bit tipsy. Not choosing his words as carefully as usual._

He continues his rant simply because she's still listening, "I mean honestly, I'd rather be home with you dealing with child abductions. Speaking of which, I'm leaving you for corporate law. Carter's sailboat down here is the nicest one I've ever been on."

"You're leaving me for a boat?"

His usual cocky, lopsided grin finally finds Barba's face, "Why, will you miss me?"

"No, I just don't want to break in a new DA", she returns in jest.

She finally hears him chuckle on the other end of the line and is happy he's relaxed.

He picks up his shoe to start polishing again and shifts gears, "Hey did Lanagan send over the rest of that paperwork about the adoption? He was doing that today right?"

"He got tied up. He's going to bring it by tomorrow, I think."

Barba drops his shoe and takes another deep breath, "Does the man get you anything on time?"

His mood is starting to get on Olivia's nerves. "I don't know that I'm exactly his top priority right now, Barba."

"I realize that but as soon as that last home inspection is done you should be putting those papers in. I'd prefer if this were all done before we take Johnny D to trial."

She tries to take a calming tone but her frustration is evident, "As would I, but you and I both know the chances of that are slim. I wouldn't have had time to start going over it today anyway. It's OK."

 _Barba knows he's being ridiculous but the more he thinks about it the more he works himself up. He doesn't want to risk anything going awry with this adoption. Having Noah is what put Olivia back together again after Lewis. He'll do anything to keep from risking her happiness._

His voice pitches up, "What are you talking about, we could be going over it right now."

"Are you always this bitchy in a tropical paradise because, if so, remind me to never visit one with you."

In his slight intoxication, he speaks before he thinks, "I assure you, if it was you here with me- I would not be so bitchy." _Once it's out of his mouth, he realizes the implication and hopes very much that she doesn't. Olivia's momentary silence on the other end dashes his hopes._

 _A warm flush comes over Liv's cheeks at his words. Was he- is it possible he felt the same way she did? She reminds herself that it doesn't matter- anything more than a friendship is dangerous. She realizes she needs to say something back._

"You're not an asshole, Barba", she says softly. It's the best she can manage with her muddled amygdala.

The shift throws him even more often balance, "What?"

"You're cocky and stubborn and say what you think but you're not an asshole."

"Um- thanks?"

"Those things make you good at what you do. But to get here, you had to be friends with those people- you know it and I know it. I'm sorry you resent that now but I'm glad you're friends with them- because the world would have missed out on a great prosecutor if you didn't play the game."

Barba smiles warmly at her candidness- reminded why she's the one he talks to. "Thanks, Liv."

She smiles, "Anytime."

He sucks in a breath, "I should let you go to bed. I'll see you in a few days. Tell Noah I'm bringing him something."

Olivia breaks into a broad grin, "Should I be worried?" His only response is a chuckle. "Alright, Barba. Goodnight."

"Night, Liv."

Olivia clicks off and Barba goes back to shining his shoes. _It really does relax him. He used to do it for his dad when he was a kid. Barba's innate, meticulous nature made him perfect for the job. It was one of the few things his dad would admit he did well. But in all honesty, it was Liv who'd helped him relax. Amazing how she could have that affect on him one minute and the next make him feel he wanted to strangle her._


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone- sorry this one took so long. Turns out my producers prefer I finish work for them before writing fanfiction**

 **Since the finale was basically "The Barson Family Hour"- I decided not to interject anything into the middle of the episode. I did think it could use one more scene though ;) Also, I'll be starting the Barba's Amigo sequel within the week.**

 **Lastly, anyone else notice that Noah wears something with "suspenders" in every scene he's in- except for the scene that he's in pajamas? And Barba and Olivia are dressed in complementary outfits in the final scene. I think wardrobe is onto something. Alright- on to the story.**

 **Fin was the first to leave** followed closely by Carisi. Nick and Amanda stayed to chat a while longer but eventually Nick's knee started bothering him and they made their exit as well.

Barba has pulled off his jacket and now stands at the sink doing dishes as Olivia brings the last two platters over and dishes their contents into Tupperware.

Barba turns to grab the empty platters from her. As he turns back to the sink to wash them, he glances over his shoulder at her. When he'd walked in this afternoon, she'd been absolutely beaming. Now her mood seems more subdued.

"So how's it feel, Mom?" ,he says- doing his best to sound cheerful.

She turns to him with a tired smile. "A bit surreal." She looks out at Noah and then back to Barba. She gives him a reassuring smile before her eyes drop away from his. "Barba, look, I should have-"

His hands still in the soapy water. He cuts her off with a soft, "Don't."

"If I had listened to you-"

He rounds on her, "Stop!"

 _It comes out a little harsher than he wanted but he can't deal with her beating herself up over this right now._ _This was supposed to be a happy day. He'd spent the entire trial terrified that he wouldn't be able to make his case- that he was going to lose Olivia her son. And yet here they were- and he was so relieved that he could give a shit how they'd gotten here. He just wanted it all behind them._

Him snapping at her has brought her eyes to his and he calms himself, "Stop blaming yourself."

She averts her eyes again, "Nick's leaving."

Barba's face falls- he looks away momentarily before returning his gaze to her. "Liv, I'm so sorry."

He sees tears form in her eyes and does the only thing that seems natural. Without a second thought- he steps forward and pulls her into a hug. Olivia tenses at first. They touch each other constantly but it's always chaste touches- both too afraid that initiating anything more will spark a fire they can't put out. Her ambivalence is gone in a flash. His arms around her are gentle, comforting, safe. She buries her head in his shoulder and lets a few more tears fall.

He rubs her back and bends his head towards hers- his breath brushing against her ear as he beings to whisper to her, "Liv, Nick didn't get shot because you put Johnny D's name on some adoption papers. Nick got shot because Johnny D was a psychopath who figured out he was about to get put away for a very long time."

Olivia nods into his shoulder, "I know, but I should have let you take the deal."

Barba pushes her away now, holding her by the shoulders and making eye contact. "You know contrary to popular belief, I don't have to listen to you. Whether or not I make a deal is on me." I cocks his head at her and she returns a teary smile.

 _In all honesty, it's not true- he'd take a basket of puppies to trial for being too cute if she told him it was important and gave him "the look". But the theory was sound._

He grins back at her before leaning in to brush his lips against hers. It's a comforting kiss- the kind you give to someone you're already intimate with. The moment he realizes what he's done, he draws back in shock- refusing to make eye contact.

"Oh my God, I'm so- I am not sure why I did that."

 _Olivia's a bit shocked too but she can't say she's disappointed. And now she's enjoying the fact that Rafael Barba has suddenly been replaced with Rafi- his awkward, nerdy, 14 year old self._

He finally brings himself to make timid eye contact before breathing out, "Sorry"

His eyes search hers desperately for some indication of what will happen next. Olivia steps back into his personal space, "Why?"

"Sorry?"

"Why are you sorry?" Her eyes flick down to his lips for a moment.

 _He can't seem to find words. Shouldn't he be sorry? Didn't he just cross some sort of colossal line? Wait- did this mean-? Did she want-? How was it possible for her to always throw him so completely off balance?_

He now finds his eyes wandering to her lips, "I-" It's the only word he gets out before he leans back into her.

This time when he kisses her it's more forceful but gentle and reverent. His hands come to her hips as hers drape around his shoulders. He turns them so that her back is against the counter. Barba pulls her close but somehow has the presence of mind to not press too close. His body is already reacting like a horny teenager and she deserves better than an out of control grope-fest.

He runs his tongue along the seam of her lips- begging entrance- which she immediately grants him. Their tongues tangle in a timid, longing exploration of each other's mouths. Both of their hearts feel as though they might pound out of their chests- neither believing that this is really happening.

Just as Barba's brain releases it's final grasp on it's control- he feels a tiny hand on his knee. He breaks off the kiss and leans his forehead on Olivia's as they both attempt to catch their breath. When he opens his eyes- he finds hers smiling back at him and can't help the broad grin that spreads across his face.

Barba finally tears his eyes from Olivia's to look down at the owner of the tiny hand on his leg. He grins down at Noah- who giggles, "You're kind of cramping my style here, amigo."

Barba bends down and scoops him up, "Do you want kisses, too? Is that what you want." He plants several exaggerated kisses on Noah's cheek while tickling him. Noah squeals.

Olivia can only look on and smile. _It seems Barba is finally getting over his fear of becoming his father. His paternal instincts seem to have kicked in over the past several weeks._

"Alright, that's enough- no getting him all wound up before bed." Olivia holds her hands out and Noah goes to her. "I'll do PJ's if you get his milk?"

Barba nods as he leans in for one last quick kiss. They both smile before turning to do their respective tasks.

 **By the time Barba** brings the milk into Noah's room- Olivia has Noah changed and is rocking him while reading to him. He hands off the milk to the boy and gives him a quick kiss on top of his head before retreating back to the door. "I'll only be a minute" ,Olivia whispers.

 **Back in the kitchen,** Barba starts to wipe down the counters- unsure of what else to do with himself.

 _What now? What's the next step? Better yet- should they even be pursuing this? Did one kiss even mean they were pursuing this? Afterall, they worked together- probably not a good idea. Neither one of them had the best relationship track record. If they did this and it didn't work out, he'd lose the only friend he has left. And it might hurt Noah. Worse, what if she regretted their impromptu make out session later? What if it was over before it began- just a fluke- a culmination of Noah's adoption and the stress of the past few weeks causing her to think she wants the same things he does. Part of him wants to walk out of the apartment right now and pretend nothing happened. But it did- and he wanted it. And for once he thinks he may have found something worth taking a chance on that isn't his career. The truth is, he loves the woman sitting in the next room- he has for a while and he seriously doubts that's going to change anytime soon. But if he's going to do this- he's going to do this right._

 **Alright everyone- there's one last chapter and I've sequestered it because it's rated M. Will post it very soon. No major plot points there for those who like to avoid the more mature content.**


	9. Chapter 9

**When Olivia reappears from** Noah's room, Barba is still at the kitchen counter- scotch in one hand, staring off into space. The click of Noah's door shutting draws his eyes up to hers. He gives her a nervous smile, "Hey, look- I was thinking-"

Olivia's face falls. _Oh God- he's already regretting it._

Barba shifts from one foot to the other and wonders for a moment when forming sentences became so difficult. _What if she didn't want anything more than tonight? What if the question he's about to ask sends her running for the hills? Ends even their friendship._

He tries to give off the appearance of calm but the more he speaks the faster his heart beats, "Maybe we could see if Lucy's free tomorrow night. There's this place down the street-" He looks at her expectantly then realizes that his sentence doesn't really have an ending. "I've heard it's good. And maybe we could-"

Olivia smiles- amused at his sudden inability to form sentences and relieved that he's not ending a relationship they haven't even started. _Somehow she found it even more attractive that a man so very sure of himself in his professional life could be so diffident when it came to personal matters. He was not unlike herself. Neither of them had had good relationship examples as children. And both had chosen work over romance- leaving them with far less experience compared to most people._

Olivia finally rescues him from himself, "Are you asking me on a date, Counselor?"

"Well, trying." He returns her smile, realizing how ridiculous this is. She's his best friend and he's acting like a hormone addled teenager.

She steps into his personal space, taking his hand, "I'd love to." He finally relaxes and smiles at her as she leans in to kiss him.

He kisses her with the same reverence as before- but this time mixed with the anticipation of what may happen next. He wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her closer as his other hand moves up her arm to tangle in her hair. His tongue runs along her bottom lip and she grants it entrance to her mouth. Their tongues tangle in a passionate battle for dominance.

He walks her back into the threshold of the kitchen and presses her back against the doorframe. That spark they've been so careful not to ignite over the past few months, hell the past few years, is now a full blown fire and they're desperately fanning the flames. He presses his body to hers- trying to get as close as possible. When her hips rock forward, making contact with his increasing arousal- it does him in. He shutters into her mouth and grabs her hips stilling them for a moment. She lets out a disappointed whimper as his lips part from hers.

 _In the back of his mind he realizes he needs to regain some small bit of composure. To make sure he's not about to fuck everything up. And then he realizes that there's not enough blood in the head that's on his shoulders to form coherent sentences._

Both are breathing hard- hearts beating out of their chests. He meets her eyes and finds a flurry of emotions: arousal, passion, confusion, disappointment and maybe something else. He does his best to explain himself with his oxygen deprived brain. "Is this OK?"

Olivia gives him a scandalous grin, "Oh, hell yes it's OK"

She leans back into him but he tries again. "Wait just- I really want this- not just this- I want-" He tries to gather his thoughts "I need to know you're sure. This can't-"

 _Olivia finally understands what has him so nervous. It's the same thing that scares her. That tomorrow they'll wake up and the other person will regret what's happened. Or worse, they'll have never wanted more than the one night to begin with. Her heart would be broken if that were the case. And she realizes now- that his would be too. She's relieved that he sees it as a big a step as she does._

She leans into him, "I know, Rafi. I want this, too. And I've wanted it for longer than I'm willing to admit. But I can wait a little longer if we need to slow down. It's OK if you don't want to do this tonight."

All his anxiety melts away as he leans his forehead against hers. "Trust me, I want nothing more than to do this right now- but not if it's just tonight."

She smiles, "You'd have to fuck this up pretty bad for that to be the case."

He can't hide his grin as he leans back in to kiss her. She pushes him away slightly and takes his hand- leading him to her bedroom.


End file.
